Hidey ho neighbours!!

Howdy neighbours,


For those of you who thought I had died, I (unfortunately?) inform you that I am actually alive and well.

It's been a tough week.

Sorry if I've been mellodramatic. It's just that this really matters to me and I hope something will be resolved. Unfortunately, that decision doesn't rest in my hands.

Just want to you let you know that I never meant to hurt you. You mean a lot to me, and please... just talk to me. I really dont' know how much longer I'll be able to stand this. I miss you.

So think about it, and I hope you realize how much I'm hurting... and only you can fix it, when you're ready. I'm waiting.

You are absolutely right, Some Guy. That taking the initiative to start the conversation does help any situation. But let me ask you this. I've been trying to start this conversation for almost a year now. What am I supposed to do? I get more response out of a brick wall. At least the wall doesn't walk away from me.

It's called a conversation. Use it. Nothing is being accomplished besides the digging the graves of our sanity.

I refuse to hide forever. I dont' care what you have to say. Just say it. It's better than this silence. Do you remember the last time we interacted has 'friends'? Do you remember our friendship? Why do I mourn for it like a fallen companion?

Think about it.

Howdy,

So yes.. my last entry was intense... but I definitely felt better that things were explained and out in the open. Hopefully, I'll never have to mention it again.

What's on my mind today is a friend of mine who I feel has been sold short. Our friendship is like no other I've ever had. We can sit together, say nothing, and yet be completely comfortable. In the summer we drive in his car with the sunroof open, windows down, music blasting and singing at the top of our lungs without a care in the world. Neither of us ask if we'd like to go for lunch together at band camps, we just find each other and bolt out the door. I know that when we have breaks at practice, I can talk and joke with him and he won't brush me off. What I also cherish about our friendship is how we aren't afraid to fight! He gets me pissed off in ways I didnt' know I could get pissed off and I'm sure I've done that to him once or twice, but we work it out in the end, we both feel good, and we go back to bugging each other. What hurts me is that many don't see this side of him. They see a quiet, talented player but never the stupid, yet hilarious jokes or insightful sayings (and I use this term VERY loosely) such as "After lunch, I'm full..." or "Ew, this coke is flat and gross! Oh wait... it's iced tea!" and my favourite "I forgot about desert until I remembered it".

Ever need a good conversation to make you think?? He's the one to go to. His perspective and ideas on issues are suprising, refreshing and put many issues into a completely different light. Or how about you just need to vent? He'll sit quietly, let you get it all out, not judge you in the slightest and only give advice if you want it. What if it's 2am? He's online, doing... well I haven't quite figured that out, but I'm sure it's music related.

That brings me to his musical talent. I envy him everytime he picks up his instrument and just casually belts out an amazing melody with a range that's out of this world for his instrument. His arranging is awesome and has done a lot of work for Stampede, but never looks for gratitude or special treatment. He does because he loves music and wants to help others by sharing (but he'll never admit that!!).

Figured out who it is yet? This guy that I'm grateful and privileged to be his friend, is none other than Taylor. Yes Taylor, I wrote a blog about you!! hahah! And I mean every word here and to everyone else, you dont' know what you're missing!

Thanks for being a great friend, buddy... you dont' know how much your friendship means to me, and as much as I say that you're a jerk... you're my favourite jerk.

So to my brother from another mother, I dedicate this blog to you. Now don't you ever say I never do anything for you ever again!!!

So until next time. Think about it.

P.S. I still think that super high G or whatever is super outta tune. Ick. Jerk. :)

So I haven't been writing here for a while, obviously. I wish that I had wrote more, because my highway of thoughts is looking like rush hour on the Calf Robe Bridge with construction.

Everyone has their personal burdens that they keep hidden behind their masks that we present to the world. I think of it like a masquerade ball. Who is behind that mask? Do I really know you? Do you know the pain that I'm hiding, the pangs of regret, sorrow, and guilt?